To fart or not to fart, that is the question…


From a conversation I had the other day with friends it seems that couples are divided into two opposing camps, the ones who fart in front of their partners and the ones that don’t. The farters were met with gasps of horror from their counterparts, myself included!

As a girl who never came from a ‘fart’ family we were brought up to keep our bodily functions under control. I don’t even remember my brothers being active in that area because we were just very private. Imagine my horror when I got my first proper boyfriend and he cocked his leg and let one rip, I was horrified! His family were exactly the same, we enjoyed cups of tea with his parents in a room filled with cocked legs and noisy farts.

Another memory which fills me with horror involved a night out with a former friend of mine. During the night she asked me to accompany her to the ladies toilets as there were no locks on the door and she wanted me to hold it. As soon as she sat down she announced that she ‘had diarrhoea’ and began to trump and poo in tiny cubicle, with me desperately trying to open the door and flee. ‘Please,’ she begged. ‘I need you to hold the door.’ I was horrified, the smell was horrendous and the sounds of diarrhoea trumps rattled noisily around my brain. Like the good friend I was, I covered my nose, turned my face away and held the door shut for her. However, I was mortified. As a thank you, as we left she apologised to a queue of waiting women for her friend who had ‘tummy problems’, she then pointed at me.

One of the many reasons why we are no longer friends.

Since that day, farting of any kind in my presence really irritates me. It’s not something I would do in front of my husband or friends and I much prefer ‘the air of mystery’. However, a lot of my friends are quite happy to cock a leg and let one rip but where will it end? Is it right to feel so comfortable with someone that we just let everything out?

The men I have spoken to don’t seem to care either way, a fart is a fart and they don’t give it a second thought, but for me it spells the end of the romance. The minute you lift that bum cheek and do a ‘machine gun’ around the bedroom you may as well start leaving the toilet door open and cutting your toenails next to the bed. My husband thinks it’s hilarious to trump in bed and trap me under the duvet, the thick quilt muffling my horrified screams but I could not imagine myself doing the same to him, ever.

Despite my obvious distress over the issue, it’s great to have a relationship where you can relax and be yourself but public farting is just not something that I could ever do. One of my Facebook friends has a farting competition with her partner and they love it, but others are horrified by the thought. I remember accidentally trumping on an exes leg when I was waking up one morning. I jumped up, got dressed and left the house in shame. It took me ages to face him again but he never even mentioned it. I’d blown it all out of proportion in my mind and made it into an unnecessary issue. He just didn’t care.

One commenter says that the air of mystery goes out of the window once you have kids, but is that the case? Can you feel totally comfortable with your bodily functions and still keep the romance alive?

There is no right or wrong answer, it’s your relationship and no one knows it better than you. If you’re the ‘better out than in’ couple or the girl like me who runs into the garden, it’s your life and it’s your business. No one should make you feel ashamed or unladylike, just the same as someone who prefers to stay mysterious should be called uptight. As long as you’re both happy, that’s the important thing.

One things for sure, it’s certainly a topic which provokes debate. Particularly as the average person farts between 10-20 times a day and that’s a lot to hold in!

Do you think its okay to fart in front or your partner, or do you prefer to maintain an air of mystery? Leave your comments below.

Follow Voluptasse on Twitter or join our Facebook page for special offers, competitions and great articles.

Discussion6 Comments

  1. this made me laugh, especially the boyfriend with the family that cocks to fart.
    I hate to fart or poo in a public toilet, but needs must and I do if I need to.
    I also fart at home as and when needed ( thought the grandchildren find this hilarious!!) but again not in public if I can help it.
    Even the Queen farts I am told, so if it is good enough for royalty its good enough for me

Leave A Reply

Follow by Email